My Cake is Not as Bad as His Cake

This is in response to what I have been posting on facebook today 4/7/2014.

You can go to my page and see what I have written

it is public.

You can also request to be my friend and I will accept it.

I remember one of the times that I had to humble myself during our struggle. Darin and I were separated at the time. The circumstances, apart from God’s intervention, were completely and totally hopeless.

Anyway we had special speakers come to our church this one particular weekend. It just so happened that the special speakers were a couple that I went to Bible College with and they were at our church to speak about marriage of all things. Now normally this would have not been a big deal for me even then but the problem is I went on a date with this guy before he and his wife dated and got married. We never seriously dated but when you attend a small college going out with someone its always big deal.

What I now know is God was setting me up for later! He does do that you know!

I believe I led worship that night. If I didn’t lead I was still on the platform on the mic supporting whoever did lead because that is what I did. I remember it so clearly. I walked of the platform and sat down in the back as my friend began to share about marriage.

The whole service would have gone off without a hitch for me except for the fact, that my friend had a prayer time afterwords and asked anyone struggling in their marriage to stand up and he would pray for them. I was sitting there talking to God, looking up at my friend, I was saying to the Lord…are you serious? I have to respond to  an alter call that my friend, who I went out with is doing? No Lord come on!!!! This is just not right! Have I not stood in Faith like a champ? Have I not overcome all kinds of evil with all kinds of good? This is ridiculous!

But I knew in my heart that I needed to humble myself and admit before God that I needed His help.

This was humiliating.

You see I wanted to sit there and eat my cake.

My Cake was Pride and Self-Righteousness and still is by the way!


You see I believe as I humbled myself that night at church something began to shift in our marriage. Had I not done some of these things that were very hard to do I might be still standing for my marriage today. The Bible says in 1 Peter 5 that God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Listen to me I NEEDED GRACE! You ask anyone who knows me back then and they will tell you I NEEDED GRACE and according to the Bible there is only one way to get it! When you are standing for your marriage you don’t want God resisting you or opposing you! Come on now!

I am praying for you that you will humble yourself and ask God to begin a work of grace in your life and trust him for your spouses life! You worry about your cake let God worry about theirs!




The Dreaded Shed

I don’t think I will ever get tired of

Seeing something in God’s precious Word

That I never ever saw before

Although I have read

And heard this verse literally

Thousands of times

When I was a District Manager for Aflac I use to go to meetings and have meetings. Basically I said the same thing to try to convey what It takes to be successful in the business over and over again. I worked with all kinds of personalities. Some wanted to learn it on their own and others wanted me to show them. Like I said all kinds of personalities. Because of this I had to say the same thing but present it in a different way to make sure my agents could grasp what I was saying.

It was the same in my own business. I had a significant shift when I had a management change above me. My new manager explained things differently and suddenly I got it and I attribute much of my success in my ability to listen to the “new guy”.  I loved the “old guy” but to be successful I had to adjust and listen to the “new guy”.

I realized this morning that Jesus does this for us. He says the same thing over and over and over again. He is relentless.  He is after our hearts and He will not give up on you and me changing. He will  just try a different angle to reach us. He has a lot more angles than I do to reach you. He has a lot more angles to reach your wife than you do. He has a lot more angles to reach husband than you do. He has a storage shed filled with ways to get to our hearts! All of our hearts!


Hear me on this…

He is after your heart my friend.

Yes, He is after your spouses heart

But He is after your heart too

Don’t miss this

This is critical



Psalm 139:1-3

O Lord, you have searched me and you know me

You know when I sit and when I rise;

You perceive my thoughts from afar,

You discern my going out and my lying down;

You are familiar with all my ways.


We are praying for you all my dear friends!



Should I Believe or Shouldn’t I

There is something that is concerning me and I believe making people’s stand even longer and that is, this vacillating back and forth. Should I stand or shouldn’t I. Should I believe or shouldn’t I.

We have lost our backbone

The Bible says a double minded man is unstable in all his ways…

Please take time to google that verse and read it

Please take time to read the entire passage

You see you cannot truly fight if you have one foot in and one foot out

So how do you get there

How do you know

God wants you to fight

The Word

You go to the Word

Not your friends

Not your family

Not even your pastor

You must go to the Word

You would never go to your pastor and get their permission to fight for your son’s healing

You wouldn’t ask your Mom

Or your best friend

It would be preposterous

Instead you would call them up and say

This is what has just happened


This is how we are going to fight this



I have been really praying about this for all of you and asking God how can I help them with this back and forth-ness.

So this is what I feel the Lord told me:

Don’t ask the Lord if you guys should get a divorce but instead ask Him if you guys are one of the ones He wants to restore.

And then wait for his answer.


We are praying friends!


This Little Light of Mine

Yesterday I was thinking about all the people I know that do not know Jesus.

I was asking the Lord what I could say

To them

Or what I could do

So that they could see

How great knowing Him is

I said out loud in my car

What could I have done differently Lord

What can I do or say now

The Lord spoke to my heart and said this

Just keep the light on!


Matthew 5:14

You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

What I have come to know is this:

Just as keeping your lights on in the physical world is expensive, so is keeping your lights on, in the spiritual world, especially when your are in the middle of a battle as many of you are. I am sure you know this! It is emotionally expensive, physically expensive, mentally expensive, and spiritually expensive. You must know and keep in the for front of your mind that there is huge purpose in this fight you are in. As you stand and believe and fight and wage war against the spirits of darkness I am telling you your light is getting brighter and brighter and brighter. This is the truth! This battle you are in is far bigger than just your family. You have to believe me! There are lives at stake here!

I have had this picture in my mind for several days and I want to share it with you:

I see a women on the narrow road that the Bible talks about and it is very narrow, very very narrow. She is looking straight ahead, all by herself and you can tell it is difficult. But way behind her is her spouse and he is just standing there not moving and behind him is this huge crowd of people.

What I believe God is telling me is this:

There are millions of souls at stake here. This battle that you are facing is about souls. As you fight the good fight and war for your spouse many will come to know Christ. This my friends is not an accident! You see if you fight this fight for just yourself and even your family the pain is almost not worth it but think about the souls. The hundreds of people, perhaps thousands and even millions that are lined up behind your spouse just waiting for your breakthrough. Watching you as you walk the very very narrow road. There are people coming up behind you and one day it will blow your mind.

1 Timothy 6:11-12

But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in they presence of many witnesses.


So what am I saying…

There are certain people that will not make it to heaven if you give up!




But I Do Lack

Psalm 23

The Lord is my Shepherd, I lack nothing

He makes me lie down in green pastures

He leads me beside quiet waters

He refreshes my soul

He guides me along the right paths

For His name sake

Even though I walk through the darkest valley

I will fear no evil

For you are with me

Your rod and your staff they comfort me

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies

You anoint my head with oil

My cup overflows

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever


There are so many verses that have become so common we don’t even read them anymore. This is one of them and yet if we understood this passage of scripture how we handle our lives would be so different and how we handle other people’s lives would also be very different. We wouldn’t handle them we would let God handle them. So hard to do!

We say

If you will stop doing that

I will lack nothing

On and on….we do not really believe what this passage says

We can quote it and sing all about it

But what comes out of our mouth proves we don’t believe it


We are praying for us and we are praying for you that we will get the first verse of this passage right!






You’re Not Lying You’re Just Not Talking

A key element in fighting for my marriage and family was keeping my mouth shut!

I have mentioned this several times but when I was in the middle of our battle I picked 5 people to tell everything to. Our Pastors, my counselor, and two friends. I checked in with these people on a very consistent basis. At least once a week but usually more. It was all very deliberate and on purpose!

What I am writing about today is what I told everyone else that didn’t need to know. Although this might have frustrated some people it was something in my heart I knew was important! I began to realize the more I talked about it the worse I felt. It was like peace would leave my body. Not talking about it helped me stay the course.


At the very beginning before everyone knew our situation was bad I for the most part didn’t say anything.

I didn’t even tell my family the first year. God specifically told me not to tell them. I did not tell my family until Darin moved out the first time.

When it became very apparent that our marriage was over because we were never together concerned people began to ask me about it.

They would ask me how is it going and this is what I would say:

It is not going well but I am believing for a miracle! Please keep praying for us!

It was a deliberate on purpose confession!

In my heart I would say, ” Oh you wait and see what God does for me!”

I remember a specific time when I was at a party with a bunch of awesome friends I went to Bible College with. Going to parties sucks when your in the middle of this kind of battle. You want your spouse to be there with you and they aren’t. You see all your other friends with there spouses having fun and oh boy it sucks!!! One of my dear friends asked me how it was going. I said, I am believing for a miracle! It’s not good but I am believing God is going to help us!!! Then I moved on to talk with someone else. This one thing I did shut down a lot of drama!

Listen to this awesome verse! Oh it is so so good!!! Like precious food to the hungry desperate soul!

Isaiah 50:7  

Because the Sovereign Lord helps me, I will not be disgraced. Therefore have I set my face like a flint and I know I will not be put to shame.

You can’t set your face like a flint if you are constantly talking, hashing over, explaining and ultimately defending your position! I quickly learned that that is what I ended up having to do when well meaning people would ask me about it. I had to defend why I was believing for my marriage! You do not have to defend your stance!!! In the end God will defend you! Easier said than done I know but if you don’t talk you don’t have to explain yourself!

Let’s face it I am looking pretty smart about right now! But I promise you I didn’t look to smart in the middle of it. I looked like I was in denial and crazy and I looked like I was willingly putting my life and Macy’s life in danger.

 A question I get a lot is:

If I don’t tell people am I living a lie?

The Bible says in I Corinthians 13 that Love ALWAYS protects!  Telling people, even concerned people, people that normally you share things with is ultimately not protecting your spouse!

Awhile back our Pastor spoke about Esther. Do you know that Esther kept the fact that she was a Jew a secret. In a sense she was living a lie. Had she let the ‘cat out of the bag’ the story of her life and many others lives would have turned out very differently! It’s okay to protect your spouse by not talking! It’s Bible!!!

You’re not lying, you’re just not talking!

We are praying! May God give you the grace and power to set your face like a flint and have the confidence that you will not be put to shame! We are praying that our story will be your story! Oh God let it be!!!




The Wound

I had a dream several weeks ago that I want to share with you. Let me stress it was a dream but very real at the same time.

It was terrible.

In this dream Darin and I were married but did not have any children.

We didn’t have Macy or Skyler.


My Dream

Darin and I adopted a baby girl. We got her as a baby and had her for a period of time. In my dream it felt like about a year or maybe even two, I know she was walking. As time passed we were out and about and found this other little girl. For some reason Darin and I started talking and we decided we wanted that little girl instead. So we searched and found one of my friends that would take our first baby we adopted so that we could adopt this other baby girl.

My dream ended with us in a restaurant desperately talking with our agency because we had realized what we had done and we wanted to fix it.

I got up the morning I had the dream and said to myself out loud, that was an awful dream!!!

I felt the Holy Spirit speak to me and say Julie you know how to think of someone doing that makes you cringe inside, gasp and grab your heart, you can almost feel the wound that would occur if that ever happened? You can literally feel the deep rejection and feel the deep wound. The wound would be so deep you could not measure it. Even if it was a necessary situation it would still be just as heartbreaking. I said yes Lord…he said that is the closest example I can give you of what it feels like to me when there is a divorce.

I don’t know how to explain what I was feeling quite right but it is as if there is a gaping wound, deep wound in heaven. That when a divorce occurs the pain is actually felt in heaven. The pain actually travels in space from your heart to God’s heart. That heaven actually gasps with sorrow with every single divorce! When you divorced Heaven gasped.


Please know we are praying for everybody we know!



Here I Am Lord

Who is it that is going to stay the course

Who is it

Dont you want it to be you

Don’t you want God to look down from heaven and say

See that one right there

See her

I can count on her

See him

See his heart

I can count on him

He’s mine

He does what I say

He goes where I tell him to go

He responds with his heart

Not his intellect

Not what is common to man

But what is common to me

He obeys me

She trusts me

I am hers

And she is mine


Don’t forget to read Proverbs 3 today. Oh it is so good. May it feed your very soul and dispel panic in Jesus name!

Love you and we are praying for you!



Hey Now That Train is Going the WRONG Way!


My spouse

Thinks the impossible

Is just way too impossible

And I say

So did mine

And I also say

Who cares what they think

Are they God

Are they in charge

No they are not


So I now say to you

If God has not told you to let go

Get back on that train

The train that takes Faith to stay on

True Faith

Get back on

Scoot over and let God do his best work

Start persevering your heart out


And again

You won’t believe how much power follows


Power with authority

Now that is what you need


I’m telling you

It doesn’t matter what your grandma says

What your spouse says

Or what your neighbor thinks

Only one thing matters

And that is what God


What he wants


What he says


So you say

What if I do all this

Persevere my heart out

Commit my life to what I know God wants me to do


Nothing good comes out of it

Then my friend you will be the first person in all the earth

That God hasn’t been

Faithful too

Now get back on that train!


Hebrews 11:6

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone that comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

Proverbs 16:7a

When a man’s ways are pleasing to the Lord, he makes even his enemies live at peace with him.


We are praying for you! Many of you by name! Come on now you can do this!

Shake the dust of discouragement of those feet of yours!

In Jesus Powerful Name…You will persevere!


Don’t be a “B”

This is how society has begun marketing their products.

They make women look like smart bitches


men look like dumb beasts

instead of men and women being


women have somehow become


Macy and I love watching HGTV. Love it! We love watching House Hunters together and we pick which house we think the couple will buy. I remember this couple looking for a house. She wanted an updated kitchen and he wanted a garage. As I watched the show I thought to myself I would hate to be married to her…somehow the kitchen was more important than the garage and I admit that is how I would be thinking but her attitude was awful, she was being very “bitchy”. How is it that what we want is “more important” than what they want and what we feel is “more right” than what they feel.

I remember watching another episode and the wife was laughing at how even though they were looking together she was going to get her way no matter what. She said I always win. Her husband just sat there in silence not saying anything…just taking it.

I struggle with this myself. Just last summer Darin and I spent a lot of time working on our front yard. He had some specific things he wanted to do with it that I don’t know why but I didn’t like it. Something ugly just rose up in me! Ugly Ugly Ugly. As I was thinking about his ideas and getting increasingly more bothered the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said, ” Julie, Darin lets you do whatever you want on the inside of the house, can you not let him have the front yard?


Resist the urge to be Bitch

And Men

Don’t sit their like your a Beast

Go get help

Professional help if need be

I do wonder how long those couples above on HGTV are going to last


When they get divorced

Because they will

They will have to sell

Those perfect homes

They bought on national television

It makes me wonder

If that lady’s new apartment

Because that is what she’ll be able to afford

After the divorce

Is going to have a nice kitchen in it

A nice kitchen is useless if you have no one to cook for

This frustrates me so much

But most importantly I guarantee you is frustrates the heart of God


Proverbs 11:1,2

The Lord detests dishonest scales,

but accurate weights find favor with Him.

When pride comes, then comes disgrace

but with humility comes wisdom


Some of you,  all you have to do is tweek a couple things in your marriage and your good to go! Take care of it now!


One more thing I have learned over the years that is of supreme importance!

Your spouse must come 2nd only to Jesus!

There will always be needy people

and needy churches

people are always going to want more money

and want more of your time

but you only have one spouse

take care of them

put them first

often times in doing this

you are putting Jesus first

this goes for men and women

Things will not bode well for you if you do not do this

In other words if you do not change

I see apartment living in your near future